Escape

(originally penned 12-31-04)

Standing on the edge of a ragged cliff
I am unbalanced from the winds of Mystery.
I do not know if I should recede
Or fall forward,
Into you

Rummaging through the far reaches
Of my mind for memories of you,
Only to find them empty.
Less deserving of my time.
So I turn away.

Pressing against me in a dark corner of the room
Asking me
To worship you like a God.
But I am full of reason,
My eyes are blind and my heart is still

Discovering your soul to be inflexible
I've become disdainful, tired
Of waiting in the wings of foolishness.
My feelings...
... are wavering

Taking another endless sip of the Green Fairy
Because I have grown wearing of eating snow cherries from France
I become content with resolve.
My only solution is to...
... escape

Beckoning Me Home

(originally penned 6-16-04)

The North Wind roars across the mountains calling out my name.
I can feel the great Wind rushing past me, beckoning me home.

The ancient drums beat out a warriors song, telling me stories of my people.
I can feel the beating drum in my heart, beckoning me home.

The Owl brings me a message of great tidings from the Goddess Idhunn.
I can feel her blessing words ringing in my ear, beckoning me home.

The answer comes to me like a dream, telling me which path to follow.
And with each step I take, the journey leads me home.

Hunting

Cunning little Fox rushing in and invading my forest

Clever little  Fox chasing me with hunger in your dark eyes

Charming little Fox pressing sharp teeth against my delicate skin

But remember this my tricky little Fox

I have tasted your pulse in my mouth,

Thick against my tongue, sweet delicious candy.

Shall we go hunting again...

I Thought I Was In Love...

Is that Alloces in my bed
Bewitching me
With his dark eyes
Seducing my soul

Is that Cupid in my bed
Charming me
With his enchanting smile
Stealing my heart

Is it an ordinary man in my bed
Enjoying
My womanly virtue
My feminine wiles
For his own pleasure

For a second, I thought I was in Love,
Then, I came...

To my senses

post traumatic prose

Originally penned 7.4.04 - 7.7.04
From the mind of the utterly depressed and other meaningless spouts of the absolute insane...

Did I ever matter?

I'm so glad to know that I am easily forgotten.

Am I just a poetic heart drowning in the mainstream of your discontent?

If I said No,
Would it make a difference?

I enjoy these conversations with my fears, for they bring enlightenment to my soul.

I have a bowl of cheese and I'm not afraid to use it!

Stick a fork in me, I'm done

Nothing moves you..
nothing, except chili & BBQ

I'm a figment of my own imagination

They can sit there all day, but it's still going to be Kelly Green!

You're attracting flies!

I'm not LISTENING!!

 That's Super!

Time has little to do with infinity and jelly doughnuts.

my mind was like a toad on lily pads

I am struggling right now because my emotions are all over the place. My children are flexing their independence and are rebelling against all the rules and it's tearing me apart. Claudia especially, with leaving and going with some dude with out my permission. I FREAKED and it was an emotional roller coaster. - Law enforcement was even called....

So, on Saturday, my dear friend, Anita and I went grocery shopping and out to lunch. I couldn't even manage going to the bathroom because I was so discombobulated! I kept saying "I don't know what's wrong with me." I couldn't function. It was difficult to focus and see the space around me. I had trouble breathing. Anita kept saying things like "You've gone through a traumatic emotional event, and I know what's wrong with you, You need to deal with what happened. You need to process, I don't think your are processing."

Monday evening, we (Anita and I) went for a walk. Things were better for me. I could see and focus, but still not very articulate and Anita repeated, "I don't think you are dealing with what happened. You have a hard time letting it go, no that's not right, like you haven't really processed. You were a mess on Saturday. I've never seen you like that." Then I was like nooo wait... I am DEALING and PROCESSING, but this is taking time. More time than most things I've had to deal with. HOWEVER, I am the Queen of compartmentalizing my life and emotions, it is a true talent and skill I've honed. I was not, for whatever strange planetary and cosmic karmic reason not able to do that on Saturday and my dear friend Anita said... "Welcome to the world of normal people" and I was like... How do you people deal? My mind was like a toad on lily pads...

xox
Ursula