fantasy writer...

fantasy writer...

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

The 12 Days of Yule:



On the Twelfth day of Yule
The Ancients sent to me
Twelve Zodiac signs
Eleven pints of mead
Ten fairies dancing
Nine woods a-burning
Eight yearly Sabbats
Seven years at Hogwarts
Six dragons flying
Five pointed star
Four Quarter Callers
Three Fold Law
Two words, Blessed Be
and One ring to rule them all...

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

What Do I Know?

What do I know? I'm just a girl wearing rose colored glasses that believes in love, peace and harmony, that thinks the world isn't so bad, sees the good in all things, even people and just wants happiness and joy for everyone! But what do I know? I'm just a girl that is simultaneously a star wars and twilight fan because both stories are about love, she loves the bad boy because there is good in him yet, that knows when given a library it is the ultimate testament of true feelings and that all we need is love! What do I know? I'm just a girl that easily comes to the submission of love, that sees hope and beauty in all that is Divine, and there's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes! But, what do I know? I'm just a girl....

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Lost & Found

Where have you been?
I am lost without you.
Never thought I would see you again.
Can't believe you stayed away so long.
Missed you smile,
Your laugh
Your soul
We were so close once

I didn't realize the moment you left.
But soon my heart began to ache and my stomach twisted into knots
And I stopped breathing.
I looked everywhere; calling out your name

But you did not answer
My ears heard only silence
My eyes swelled with tears

Did you think I would not miss you,
Or notice, sooner or later,
That you were not at my side?
Did you need to leave?
Are you here to stay?

-perhaps...

Forever?

- nothing is Forever...

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Frozen Heart

One Day
Some Day
Soon
You will give me your frozen heart
Because I needs it

Shall we begin in the East
With blessings of Air
We will sprinkle it with pixie dust
Head for the second star to the right,
Off to Neverland we go

Perhaps to the South
With blessings of Fire
Where we will simply walk to the gates
Of hellish Orc infested Mordor
And melt it in the fiery pits

Better still to the West
With blessings of Water
Following the mermaid's song
To the mystical realm of Atlantis
We shall drown it in the depths of the ocean

Best head to the North
With blessings of Earth
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Shall we prepare your burial suite
On the lush forest moon of Endor

Give me your frozen heart, because I needs it...


 

Sunday, November 11, 2012

To My Love With Love

Oh sweet tempting Love my heart aches for you.

Your tender kiss, your passionate touch and your wanting look!

Love is so grand and delicious with joyful explosions and glorious rapture.

Love is an adoring embrace and has an enduring kindness that fills my soul.

Love is all consuming, strong, yet liberating and delicate all at the same time.

I just want to hold the hand of Love, to feel the erotic bliss of Love and to be lost in the eyes of Love.

I just want to dream of Love's sensual desires, always trust Love and never wain from Love.

I am in Love...

with Love!

Sunday, October 28, 2012

HUSH

(October 2003)

For my Poppet

Stop the birds from singing
Stop the sun from shining
Stop the clock from chiming
Stop the moon from gleaming

I am mourning for those that are no longer living

Close you eyes and stop the tears
Close you mind and stop the fears
Close your door and stop the wind shears
Close you mouth and stop up your ears

I am mourning for those I've lost these past years

Do not breath or even sigh
Do not look me in the eye
Do not stand or rise
Do not speak from the mountain high

I am mourning for those that can't be by my side

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

If Only

(May 2004)

If only I could kiss your tender lips for a moment longer...
and hold your body closer to mine for one more second
to make love all day and all night;
only to fall asleep in your arms
and then wake up to you
next to me in the morning.

If only I could feel your mouth upon mine for a moment longer...
and hold your hand tight within mine for one more second
to snuggle all day and all night;
only to dream away the hours
and then wake up to your
smiling face in the morning

If only I could press my lips against yours for a moment longer...
and hold your head in my lap for one more second
to talk all day and all night;
only to see your eyes sparkle
and then wake up to hear you
whisper my name in the morning.

If Only....

What I Like About You

(June 2004)

I like to hear you say my name and whisper dirty words in my ear
I like it when you press up against me, breathing hard and kissing my hair
I even like it when you pull my hand away from my face so you can see me smile
I like talking to you and seeing the world through your eyes, all the while
I like it when you laugh and I really like that I've found your tickle spot
I especially like your sensitive  side and all the other parts you've got
I like it when we are close and even being a little naughty, but still being sweet
I like it when our bodies touch and I tingle from the heat
I like it when you let me take a bite of your ice cream and pretend not to see
I like it especially when you tell me that you have been thinking of me
I like the fact we are friends and you trust me, like I trust you.
I like everything about you and I like all the things you do.

That's what I like about you...

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Capital Vices

as i sit drinking coffee, my mind begins to ponder
my fate and the virtue of my very soul
i sift  thoughts around and am left to wonder
can being pure of heart still be my goal?

apparently Seven Deadly Sins there are
in existence to allure and tempt me
ranging from the macabre to the truly bizarre
but only one, do i effortlessly commit so frequently

my mom always says, i burn my candle at both ends
rising early every day to greet the morning sun
i can't be accused of Sloth and lazy trends
for i'm a busy bee and a very productive sort of person

Wrath and anger are like warriors; incognito
i fear the war machine and all their violence
let us make love not war; that's my motto
lost souls in turmoil, there will be no silence

money, they say, is the root of all that is evil
Greed is a nasty business of twisted obsessions
i'm not into playing the game of mass retrieval
or obtaining great heaps of material possessions

as all pagans practice; bide by the wiccan rede we must
a simple rule to follow;  fairly give and fairly take
not over indulging or over eating until i bust
to be seen as Gluttony would be a terrible mistake

i am not the jealous type, for a i'm too vain
to think anyone else is better or has more
keeping up with the jones' is just too insane
never Envy, cause i'm content with me for sure

Pride is a possibility, as it is plain to see
however, i am just a touch too shy
and full of enough self doubt to keep me
grounded to the earth until i die

but Lust. oh this is my sin, if i'm to have one
we are old friends, best mates and sweet lovers
not ashamed; with open arms i welcome this demon
because i'm addicted to what happens beneath the covers

to what end do i display these Cardinal Sins, this list of Capital Vices?
i must admit that i'm a bit snarky, but don't take this too seriously
because life is worth living if you're having fun and every one wins
be bold, and stand up to grab the brass ring, i'm living fearlessly








 

Saturday, September 22, 2012

AUTUMN

(originally penned sept. 2003, Mabon Blessings)

Crisp & cool  breezes begin to flow
It is time to reap what we sow
Gather the grains, veggies & fruits
Time to put away summer's pursuits
Hint of Autumn colors all around
Bright oranges, yellows & reds can be found
The details of Harvest festivals are being arranged
The Wheel has turned & the Season has changed
A time of plenty, gratitude & emotion
I thank the Goddess for her sacrifice & devotion
So that I may survive Winter's snow
Until it's time for things to grow
A delicious feast at my table, I set
In a toast, I raise my finest goblet
I drink to family & friends
To the Divine & Summer ends
To the harvest & of course to me
May our Autumn be bright, So Mote It Be.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Ode to Water (aka Liquid Fury)

(originally penned April 2004)

crystal clear
shinning like diamonds
flat
placid
like plate glass
holding secrets
holding life
reflecting my feelings, it begins
to splash with energy
refracted colors of electric blue and sea foam green
each tiny ripple filling with emotion
bubbling with light-heartiness and laughter
waves begin, slow and methodical
becoming rough, choppy and crashing
against me
dousing me with refreshing excitement
quenching my thirst
cleansing my desires
sharing the pure serenity of the inner soul
but soon, way to soon
it beings to evaporate away
as this is the way
rejoining the universe
always an eternal ebb and flow

 

The End

(originally penned 6.28.04)

Waiting for the end to come...
Will they remember me joyfully?
What will they do?
Was I honorable, patient or even friendly?
Would you say you knew me?

Waiting for the end to come...
Will they remember me fondly?
What will they think?
Was I honest, true or even grateful?
Would you say you cared for me?

Waiting for the end to come...
Will they remember me kindly?
What will they say?
Was I giving, beautiful or even loving?
Would you say you loved me?

In the end, will you throw me away too?

Unrequited Love

Someone hand me a ten blade.
I need to remove this arrow
From my heart.

Seriously Eros?
Your attempts are misguided at best
And dangerous at worst.

Because I play with the Shadows of the night
And share my bed with Death,
My dance card is full.

For Lovers are so very fleeting
And I do not wish to be broken
By unkept hopes and dreams.

Pardon me while I vomit
From disdain of your eternal promises
Of absolute love.

I am the weaver of my own destiny
And the architect of my own destruction
But true love? That will be my undoing!

A pillar of strength with an emotionless facade,
Am I, that I remove myself from this silly notion
Of romance and move on.

Unrequited Love? I think not!
Sorry dear Eros, no time
For such pretty daydreams.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Night Lovers


(penned october 2003)

From across the room, I see you standing in the shadows, waiting..
Radiant and handsome, dressed in a fine black cloak.
Overwhelmed am I by your mere presences in the room.
My heart is filled with love and my mind is filled with passion.
All I wish is for the world around us to fade away.
Knowing that I must wait every dark evening to be in your arms.
Always waiting for your kisses, those succulent mesmerizing kisses.
Sharing the delicate sweet crimson kisses between us.
How many times have I seen you smile with that spark in your eyes?
A dangerous secret we keep from others, never telling a soul...
To be lovers and night creatures, a truth that locks us together.
Our world would end if anyone were to discover us.
Kiss me my love, I can wait no longer.
Refresh my soul with your tender sweet kisses.
Allow ourselves to be devoured by one another's little love bites.
Delicious and sweet, consuming and passionate is our desire for each other.
Now that we are here, together at last, in each other's arms.
Evening slips into the night as the hours pass on.
Visits like these are often between us, but never lasting
As with every dawn, we must say our goodbyes; tears swell in my eyes.
Rest your spirit until the night comes and we again can be together.

 

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Giggle Factory

Laugh

*Snicker*

Guffaw

Hoot & Holler

Cackle

Tee Hee

Snort

Side Splitting

ROTFLMFAO

Chuckle

Hysterical Laughter

HA!

dying

Fell Out

Mwwwhhhahahahaha

About To Piss Myself

lol

Bust Out Laughing

Chortle

Bwwwhhahahahaha

Gut Busting

Howling

Laughing Until You Cry

(giggle)

YOU

Must you keep coming to me in my dreams?

Is it not enough that my heart still burns with love for you? That my skin still desires your touch or that my eyes still wish to look upon your face and my ears still ring with soft whispers of your voice?!

Do you still desire me too?

Is that why you come to me in the twilight hours? Calling for me to be near you. Asking me to touch you and lie down on the cool grass under the moon beside you. So that we look upon the twinkling stars together. Holding me in your arms, kissing me gently on my lips. But when I snuggle in close, I discover you are no longer at my side. All that is left is the lingering smell of your sweet scent.

Then I see a glimmer of your shadow just beyond my reach. I cry out; Come back my Love! Stay with me!

Share my eternal slumber...

But dawn breaks through... Bright shinning beams of dancing light. And you are gone!
Until I dream again...

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

A Little Seussism from the Doctor

(penned 7-8-04)

Grow up,  Grow up I say
No time to lick 30 tigers today!
Go dog go and get your thinker upper
Eat green eggs and ham for your supper
Don't put me in the zoo
I want to live in Kalamazoo
With Horton, Yurtle the turtle
And a bird named Myrtle

Grow up, Grow up I say
No time to run the circus today!
Ask the Cat in the hat
He'll tell you where I'm at
Follow the South going Zax
To the land of the Lorax
Then go to the beaches
To find the star-bellied Sneetches

Grow up, Grow up I say
No time for ABC's today!
Can't wait for the Grinch
Or little Cindy Lou to snitch
Oh the places you will go
If you would just, Grow!

Baby...

(penned 5-12-04)

He calls everyone Baby!
So why did it affect me...
When he said I love you,
Baby
Was it true love?
Yeah, right!
Then why did he leave?
Did he recognize some sense of duty elsewhere?
Or was it just a fling...
Two ships colliding in the night
I can still hear his voice
calling me...
Baby
But,
He calls everyone Baby!

Sunday, August 12, 2012

For Eternity... My Captain

(penned 12-23-04)

Oh Captain, my Captain
I am but your humble mate,
here to sever your honor.

Let us seek out the glory
of unclaimed golden treasure
and fruitful bounty.

Let us ride the waves of Destiny
in search of lavish fortunes
and renowned fame.

Let us call the ocean our home
the ship a grand castle of fortitude
and live like richly Kings.

Let us hoist our banner,
fly a flag of  nobility,
forever blowing in the wind.

Let us put the bow of this sailing ship
towards the Great North,
and follow the midnight stars.

Let us dock this great vessel
at a foreign ports of call
and replenish our souls.

Let us go ashore, to the taverns
to fill our bellies on hearty food
and drink mead, rum or wine

Let us tell drunken stories of our
glorious conquests, ghostly treasures
and unrequited loves.

Let us depart in the dawn, sailing
towards the distant horizon
and the blazing sun.

Let us be forever immortal, spoken of,
as legends and myths told to generations
and for eternity... My Captain

Friday, August 10, 2012

~Ravens~

Drowning in a flock of ravens
Dazzling coagulate black mavens
Exhaling my very last breath
Embraced in the arms of Death

Hands intertwine
His around mine
I will not bury you
I offer life anew

Whispers of a sweet promise
Wishes sealed with a kiss
Quantum of solace, finally discovered
Quests that were sought, uncovered

Surrendered all Loves lost
Secured eternally in frost
Break through to the other side
Bound and together neatly tied

Pleasures felt until all was bled
Pride is well and truly dead
No everlasting rapture remained
Nothing ventured, nothing gained



Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Practically Perfect In Every Way

Astrology (not to be confused with horoscopes) is a bit of a hobby for me. It's one of the first things I try to find out about people. It truly helps my Virgo mind to categorize people (is this labeling and judgement or just understanding and empathizing??) so that I can relate to them and know if we will be compatible or not. Also I use it as a tool for myself to grow and learn about my personality. Like why do I react this way or why do I go that direction. Astrology is a map of positive and negative traits and in knowing these traits we can know ourselves, emphasize the positive and cope with the negative. So here I am... Practically perfect in every way...

Sun Sign: Virgo - The Virgin, Crafty, Critic - Orderly, very generous, loyal, magnetism, make fine healers, often students of metaphysics, intellectual, musical, pleasing manners, logical thinking, integrity, honest, shy, practical, detailed. Over-critical, perfectionists, high expectations, rarely acknowledges own faults, very demanding, unchangeable.

Rising Sign: Virgo - (double signs - what you see is what you get) Discriminating, methodical, industrious, analytical

Moon Sign: Gemini - Witty, charming, fun and pleasant to hang out with. moody and irritable,  They like to have a hand in everything, are usually well-informed, inquisitiveness, chatty. They are either, talking, reading or thinking… they never stop. They bore easily.  Capable of handling anxiety, worry and sorry better than others. Sociable and friendly, has a talent with words, artistic. They have a great imagination and always have way too many irons in the fire. Deep need for social interaction.
great organizer, open-minded. Monotony is their worst fear. They prefer change and adventure. If they have a problem, they want to talk it out. They like to analyze their problems, often feel misunderstood,
 loyal and loving. Comes off as fickle.

Chinese Zodiac: Rat - Imaginative, charming and truly generous to whom they love, tends to be quick tempered and overly critical. Somewhat of an opportunist. happy in sales, writer, critic or publicist.

Celtic Tree: Pine Tree: The Particularity - Loves agreeable company, very robust, knows how to make life comfortable, very active, natural, good companion, but seldom friendly, falls easily in love but its passion burns out quickly, gives up easily, many disappointments till it finds its ideal, trustworthy and practical

Celtic Animal: Salmon - Wisdom, inspiration, rejuvenation, knowledge of the arts and science, good reasoning powers, perceptive and clever, keen observers

Native American: - The Grizzly Bear - Gentle but powerful, careful, quiet, good and cheerful nature, clever, adept, spirit-keepers, medicine, leadership, defense, deliberation, pleasure, observation, slow and steady movement, strength, healers and teachers. Reliable and hardworking, considerate, dutiful. Uncanny knack for choosing partners who are takers rather than givers. Don't like being told what to do, independent thinkers, can be obstinate, but modest. Can be obsessive about cleanliness, order, and can be seen as fussy and irritable. Can be nervous, shy, cynical but decisive.

The Geek Zodiac (cause it's fun!): Robot - (Optimus Prime, Robocop, Terminator, Voltron)  Law-abiding, dedicated and logical. Stubborn, intractable, cold

Saturday, August 4, 2012

BLUSH

(12-17-04)

It seems that it only took you a
moment to deeply touch my soul
and all I can do, is blush

My mind continuously flows with
dreamy thoughts of you
and all I can do, is blush

Your love fills my beating heart
with such wondrous joy
and all i can do, is blush

Just a mere slip of time is
all that we have to share
and all I can do, is blush

However, you have inspired my
whole being that will last an eternity
and all I can do, is blush

Ode to Fire!

(Dec. 03- Jan 04)

it lies still for a moment in slumber
dormant and hidden
waiting;
waiting for the spark
slowly smoldering
and then it ignites all at once
bursting with a flash
flickering and exploding
bright colors of crimson red and amber yellow
flare up!
burning scorching hot
searing and fiery with incandescent light
blazing with a fever
sizzling with desire
illuminated with embers glowing so bright
torrid and sultry is this flame
all at once comes the rush of hunger
feasting upon anything
and everything
becoming big bellied
and overgrown
it consumes
and devours
all it touches
in its wake
it leaves ashes
and if left alone
it will simmer
smoke
die out
and then
nothing
it is
gone.....

Matter of Convenience

(4-22-04)

Because I was there
I allowed you to come to me,
Into my bed, where I sleep and
Dream way the hours.

Because I was there
I allowed you to share a most
Intimate moment between a
Man and a Woman.

Because I was there
I allowed you to get close to
Me without the drama
Of a courtship

Because I was there
I allowed you to know me and
To come to understand
The person I am.

Because I was there I became a matter of convenience

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Say When

You invite me over
To stand in front of you
But I see you stricken with conflict

Your eyes full of light
Words so flattering
Kisses of hot desire

I think to myself that it is far better
To have loved and lost than
To have never loved at all

My body so full of passion
From your touch so sweet
And charming smile of delight

But you throw your heart on ice and toss me a flamethrower

It is a simple yes or no
Either you do or you don't
No shades of gray

I have my finger on the trigger, baby
All you have to do is
Say When...



Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Totems, Messengers and Familiars (oh my)

There is alot of talk among the pagan community about Totems, Messengers, and Familiars... oh my.

I do not speak for everyone, but only for myself as to definitions or meanings of such kindred.
You do not choose them, They choose you.... 

Totem: Bits of you, your soul, they carry your inner spark and you carry theirs. You work with them in ritual, and other magical workings but are also with you daily throughout the mundane world while you go about everyday life. They can bring messages to you, but are more like guides, reminding you of aspects to aspire to or characteristics you want to achieve and pursue.
I have one for each of the 5 elements, this "way" resonates with me for I am a daughter of the elements, they are essential to my magick and my path. Therefore it makes sense to me to have a totem for each element. Years ago, I spent a great deal of time from Litha to Lammas, in deep meditation on a spiritual totem journey (very shamanistic having a native American vibe to it). Basically my group of magickal folk and I built an elemental world and moving thru it, discovered our totems. Taking notes on what we saw in our minds eye. I took it a step further and looked for clues in the mundane world. Seeing the same animals in meditation, sacred circle and in reality, solidified for me, that these were my true Totems. Trust me, it's not every day that you're driving down town and a flock of peacocks cross your path and you not be moved by it!

We begin in the East....

East (Air) Owl - This was no surprise to me, I have followed the Goddess Athena for more than half my life, even before I realized I was Pagan, (and even when I flit between pantheons) She was with me and the Owl is Hers to call. If I had to pick just one owl, it'd have to be the Snowy Owl, but I honestly have several aspects; the Barn Owl and Horned Owl are familiar forms too. key words: Messenger, wisdom, healing, insight, clairvoyance, life/death and loyalty/devotion.*

South (Fire) Ladybug -  Again, not really surprised here Ladybugs have always held me spellbound with their beauty. But I remember thinking (even in the meditative state) "Come on, one little Ladybug, with all this fiery heat and molten lava and heat just rising up from the hot sand... I get a tiny ladybug on a cactus flower... really??? I want a Dragon!" But then... a swarm of Ladybugs covered everything in front of me and it clicked like fire can be beneficial, used as light and a fuel source but can be used for mass destruction, so is the Ladybug, singular and one, is beauty, but swarms can be devastating. That is raw fire power, indeed. keywords: Luck, harvest, good fortune, transformation

West (Water) Peacock - I know what you are thinking.. peacocks do not live in the water! Well, I'm seriously fearful of water. (not the rain, LOVE it) but in our meditation, we went to the ocean. (wondering if we'd gone to a lake, river or swamp would I have had the same reaction.. possibly) Even, in this safe meditative state I couldn't get in the water. So I stood on the beach, I attempted to get on a boat, yeah that didn't work. I tried walking in the waves that touched the beach and all the sudden it was like I was staring at an aquarium (the size of an ocean!) and many sea creatures came to the glass and as soon as my focus cleared (and my excitement of receiving a water totem rose) the animal would quickly swim away. Like saying "Not even, nope, not gonna happen".  I was very frustrated, sad and confused. This element, this totem was important for me to find, so all my pieces would be together. But, it was when I turned my back on the ocean and looked back towards the land, I saw him... the most beautiful peacock, ocean blue and dazzled me with his plumage. I was awe struck. (then seeing the flock in down town later that week cinched it for me) Also, the peacock is Hera's and again I'm akin to the Greek mythos. keyword: inner wisdom, death/resurrection, karmic connection, laughter, harmony**

North (Earth) Spider - This one was a bit of a surprise. Well... sorta... On one hand, spiders are really creepy and I don't like creepy crawlies. But the will to face this phobia, or fear is what allowed me to accept the Spider. Upon further reflection and research, the Spider is also connected to Athena, also The Spider Woman (native American Mother Goddess) and to Anansi (the storyteller & trickster). Spiders are the weavers and storytellers of the animal kingdom. (um hello I'm a writer and fiber artist, how could the Spider NOT be my totem).  My spider is much like Charlotte, feminine and delicate and extremely smart. keywords: Creativity, self-expression, camouflage, self-protection.*

Spirit - This one was a bit tricky for me. I didn't really discover this one during those early meditation sessions. In fact, while whirling around in outer space I flew around with a great phoenix, it's feathers were a kaleidoscope of colored fire. Beautiful and wondrous at the same time, but not exactly my totem, a messenger for sure... more like a deliverer because eventually (years later) I had a dream of this same phoenix "handing me off" to a great Polar Bear, a mother Bear and she is glorious and I knew I was home and finally complete. keywords: Power, strength, solitude, individuality

Animal Messengers: That is what they are, be it that they come to you in an altered state or in reality, they bring tidings, greetings, warnings, lessons.. in short.. messages. Depending on the animal, its form, how they appeared to you lets you know the meaning behind the message. Sometimes the animal for can vary, but for me I have carriers. I usually see the same messengers. All birds, usually Canadian Geese, Swans, Red Cardinal, Wild Turkey, Crow or Raven. When I see them, it's different than seeing any other animal. Much like when I see my totem, my heart stops for a split second, there is a metaphysical shift in my being, kinda like vertigo(ish) sensation and I'm are like.. ooohhhhh.... sometimes the message is LOUD & CLEAR, other times I'm stubborn and it takes a while for me to get it, but I always do.  I also believe you can share your totems as messengers and other people can send you a message using their own totems or messengers. I occasionally get a visit from a snake (that I know isn't me or mine) and recently a visit from a fox that has been coming around like a shadow, but hit me full force with a message recently that led to a poem. (but again, not me or mine)

Familiars: These are actual animals used during magickal workings, ie they come in circle and spell work and lend their natural energy to yours. (not animal scarifies, just to clarify that is NOT done here, nor acceptable behavior EVER). Usually and typically witches use cats. Well, I'm not typical anything and frankly not a fan of cats and have allergies... so.. yeah... I love dogs and am a dog person. But in all fairness to they choose you not you choosing them, my pet ferrets have lent me their energy a time or two on a few occasions although they are quiet curious and frisky little tykes, they don't spend alot of time with me in circle. I have been to open circle with other's familiars flitting through and it was very very nice energy!

Any way you put it, working with the energy of animals is complementary to magickal workings and I encourage you to discover your Totems, Messengers and Familiars (oh my).

xox
Ursula

*Animal Totems by Trish MacGregor & Millie Gemondo
**combined information from multiple sources

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Escape

(originally penned 12-31-04)

Standing on the edge of a ragged cliff
I am unbalanced from the winds of Mystery.
I do not know if I should recede
Or fall forward,
Into you

Rummaging through the far reaches
Of my mind for memories of you,
Only to find them empty.
Less deserving of my time.
So I turn away.

Pressing against me in a dark corner of the room
Asking me
To worship you like a God.
But I am full of reason,
My eyes are blind and my heart is still

Discovering your soul to be inflexible
I've become disdainful, tired
Of waiting in the wings of foolishness.
My feelings...
... are wavering

Taking another endless sip of the Green Fairy
Because I have grown wearing of eating snow cherries from France
I become content with resolve.
My only solution is to...
... escape

Beckoning Me Home

(originally penned 6-16-04)

The North Wind roars across the mountains calling out my name.
I can feel the great Wind rushing past me, beckoning me home.

The ancient drums beat out a warriors song, telling me stories of my people.
I can feel the beating drum in my heart, beckoning me home.

The Owl brings me a message of great tidings from the Goddess Idhunn.
I can feel her blessing words ringing in my ear, beckoning me home.

The answer comes to me like a dream, telling me which path to follow.
And with each step I take, the journey leads me home.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Hunting

Cunning little Fox rushing in and invading my forest

Clever little  Fox chasing me with hunger in your dark eyes

Charming little Fox pressing sharp teeth against my delicate skin

But remember this my tricky little Fox

I have tasted your pulse in my mouth,

Thick against my tongue, sweet delicious candy.

Shall we go hunting again...

I Thought I Was In Love...

Is that Alloces in my bed
Bewitching me
With his dark eyes
Seducing my soul

Is that Cupid in my bed
Charming me
With his enchanting smile
Stealing my heart

Is it an ordinary man in my bed
Enjoying
My womanly virtue
My feminine wiles
For his own pleasure

For a second, I thought I was in Love,
Then, I came...

To my senses

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

post traumatic prose

Originally penned 7.4.04 - 7.7.04
From the mind of the utterly depressed and other meaningless spouts of the absolute insane...

Did I ever matter?

I'm so glad to know that I am easily forgotten.

Am I just a poetic heart drowning in the mainstream of your discontent?

If I said No,
Would it make a difference?

I enjoy these conversations with my fears, for they bring enlightenment to my soul.

I have a bowl of cheese and I'm not afraid to use it!

Stick a fork in me, I'm done

Nothing moves you..
nothing, except chili & BBQ

I'm a figment of my own imagination

They can sit there all day, but it's still going to be Kelly Green!

You're attracting flies!

I'm not LISTENING!!

 That's Super!

Time has little to do with infinity and jelly doughnuts.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

my mind was like a toad on lily pads

I am struggling right now because my emotions are all over the place. My children are flexing their independence and are rebelling against all the rules and it's tearing me apart. Claudia especially, with leaving and going with some dude with out my permission. I FREAKED and it was an emotional roller coaster. - Law enforcement was even called....

So, on Saturday, my dear friend, Anita and I went grocery shopping and out to lunch. I couldn't even manage going to the bathroom because I was so discombobulated! I kept saying "I don't know what's wrong with me." I couldn't function. It was difficult to focus and see the space around me. I had trouble breathing. Anita kept saying things like "You've gone through a traumatic emotional event, and I know what's wrong with you, You need to deal with what happened. You need to process, I don't think your are processing."

Monday evening, we (Anita and I) went for a walk. Things were better for me. I could see and focus, but still not very articulate and Anita repeated, "I don't think you are dealing with what happened. You have a hard time letting it go, no that's not right, like you haven't really processed. You were a mess on Saturday. I've never seen you like that." Then I was like nooo wait... I am DEALING and PROCESSING, but this is taking time. More time than most things I've had to deal with. HOWEVER, I am the Queen of compartmentalizing my life and emotions, it is a true talent and skill I've honed. I was not, for whatever strange planetary and cosmic karmic reason not able to do that on Saturday and my dear friend Anita said... "Welcome to the world of normal people" and I was like... How do you people deal? My mind was like a toad on lily pads...

xox
Ursula

Monday, May 28, 2012

First Commandment

Thou Art God/Goddess

On my journey to discover my faith, I come to realize that the Divine is all. It is that supreme all knowing be-ing that my mind can hardly grasp, but it is here on the land, in every being, including myself.
I am a chard of it's crystalline light honing in on my path home.
This is why I define and label, putting faces on Deity, to know them better and understand them and myself.
 As within, so without. Thou art God/Goddess...
So, how do I connect? How can I build a relationship with the Divine?
  • meditation
  • ritual
  • prayer
I am the co-creator in my spiritual life. To know the Divine is to know thy self:

My positive traits include: Healer, great smile, cheerful, passionate, tenacious, devoted, responsible, motherly, dedicated, reliable, honest, trustworthy, friendly, intelligent, creative, talkative,  glass half full, positive disposition

My negative traits include: low self-esteem, critical, shy, trusts no one, easy to stress out, temperamental, aggressive, sarcastic, snobby, condescending, fearful, overbearing

My work in progress: I want to live by example, be the change I want to see in the world. Find inner peace and be proud of my beauty. I want to be satisfied. Be present in the moment.
  • walking my path of the Gods/Goddesses
  • being fit and well
  • writing
  • creating art
  • dancing
  • being a good mother
I am on a path of discovery...
  • Hedge Witchery
    • A Healer
    • A Walker between Worlds
    • Herb Worker
    • Studies the Great Mysteries of Nature
    • Life is magick, and magick is life
    • Combines magickal life and the mundane life
    • Simplicity
    • Fairly give & Fairly take
  • God
    • Gwydion - The god of illusion changes, magick, healing, and the sky
    • Gwynn Ap Nudd - The King of the Fairies and the Underworld and magic warrior-huntsman.
  • Goddess
    • Ceridwen - The goddess of nature, death, fertility, regeneration, magick, inspiration, astrology, herbs, science, poetry, spells, and knowledge.
    • Blodwin - The goddess of the earth in bloom, flowers, wisdom, lunar mysteries, and initiations.
  • The Elementals
    • Earth
      • Spider Totem
      • Hearth & Home
      • Herbs & Gardens
      • Cardinal direction: North
      • Season: Winter
      • Time of life: Aged
      • Time of day: Midnight
      • Regent Planet:Saturn
      • Elemental being: Gnome
      • Colors: Brown and green
      • Magical tools:Pentacle and staff
      • Feminine energy
      • Correspondences include strength, faith, stability and abundance
    • Air
      • Owl Totem
      • Wind & Breath
      • The Fae & Winged Beings
      • Cardinal direction: East
      • Season: Spring
      • Time of life: Infancy
      • Time of day: Sunrise
      • Regent Planet: Mercury
      • Elemental being: Sylph
      • Colors: Yellow and white
      • Magical tools: Sword and Incense
      • Masculine energy
      • Correspondences include mind, intellect, study, consciousness and communications.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

As I will it, So it shall manifest

I'm always at the beginning of some new phase in my life, yet I seem to be running in circles and never moving on from the old phase.... repeating... repeating... repeating...  TIME TO BREAK FREE.... I like who I am and where I am at and it's high time I embrace my WONDERFUL life! As I will it, so it shall manifest, So Mote It Be. I have recently had my heart and mind open to the Veil and have been to chicken shit to cross the threshold. I've been aimlessly and leisurely walking my path, no purpose, no direction.. YET the Divine has spoken to me, never leaving me, have sent guides to me and blessings beyond comprehension and I've been ungrateful. Whiny at best and disgruntled at worst. I am open to the Veil, I am open to my Air & Earth elemental, I am open to the Fae. These are not new things, they have been with me every step, every moment, every breath and I ignore it no longer.
This is who I am and I am brilliant!

xox
Ursula

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Shrinking Violet

But, I'm soooo damn shy that I couldn't bring myself to chat up w/ some new peeps @ Mayfaire. What the hell is wrong with me? I talk to peeps (strangers) every flippin day about "nothing" and I'm so wanting to connect with like minded folks and so damn lonely w/o my pagan community. But I folded. No one approached me, so I felt unworthy to approach them. WTF? I'm also struggling with positive attitude towards my own body and it is bringing up old issues. I need to discover my own self worth and be happy with my lot in life. I truly have a blessed life, why can't I feel what I see???

Am I becoming a shrinking violet??

xox
Ursula