The next chapter of The 5 Love Languages talks about the two stages of love. I've heard of the honeymoon phase, but not 2 stages of love. In stage 1, it is the honeymoon phase. Where everything is beautiful (to simply put it) and one experiences the euphoric ride of love and it lasts about two years. UH? Then stage 2 begins where as all the little things begin to become big things. All the personality flaws are glaring at you and you begin to be annoyed by the other person. The book explains that this is the real love. The time to be dedicating yourself to UNCONDITIONAL love for your partner (as they do the same for you) whilst speaking each other's love language. Well this explains my failure, I'm all for stage 1, the happy to be together stage that I cram into a three month period before I start demanding commitment (where as and here in squats the goat; I really don't know this person) and if the relationship does last longer than 2 years, I'm already disgruntled and can't be open to stage 2. I've never really reached stage 2. I don't know what to do at this point.. Exit stage left???
Questions to ponder
1. Which of your relationships do you consider to be healthy relationships?
I use to think I had a good bond with my children, Bea, and Vie and even with my ex-husband. I always thought the confrontation and disagreements was part and parcel of any relationship. But now, after reading this chapter, I feel that I don't have any healthy relationships.
2. Which of your relationships would you like to see improved?
I really want to be a better mom and have my children respond to me in a more positive and respectful way as I respond to them in return. I really want to have a better connection with my brothers Charles and Freddie and my sister Vivianne. I want to strengthen my relationship with Bea. I would like to see myself interacting constructively and in a copacetic manner at work and i would like to open myself up to friendships and love in all its forms.
3. How would you describe your relationship with your mother? Your father?
My parents were absent at best and abusive at worst.
My mother struggled to communicate love and affection except through materialistic means. She was a difficult person to please and was constantly verbally and/or physically accosting me because I failed to live up to her expectations. There were rare moments of deep abiding love from her, but it was seldom and shrouded by her demands. Now that I am an adult and mother, I can see her struggle more clearly. It doesn't excuse her, but I get it and I profoundly wish she had gotten help. Sadly, she died and we can not work through this, but I have forgiven her.
My biological father (baby daddy) was/is absent.
My step-fathers (3 of them) sexually abused me; I get why I'm a control freak and do not trust people easily. But I am not a victim. It wasn't my fault and through reading Gabrielle Bernstein's book (Add More ~ing to Your Life: A Hip Guide to Happiness) - I am working on the use of the F word daily.
These relationships or lack there of have had negative influence on my life, obviously. But I am a survivor, strong woman and powerful enough to "break the chain": (thank you Bethenny Frankel).
4. In dating relationships, how many times have you experienced Stage One: passionate love?
Is this a trick question??? Oh! I fall in love so easily (no problem there). I am a true consumer of this kind of love and hence when the relationship graduates to Stage 2 I am unable to cope. I am in love with being in love and therefore, more times than I can count; I have experienced Stage One: passionate love.
5. Were you able to make the transition to Stage Two: covenant love: Why or why not?
(big sigh) Obviously not. Because I was unaware that I am inept at making it across the bridge to Stage 2. I'd have hope and high expectations that the other person would "know" how to show me love and make me happy. It occurs to me that not only did these people not respond to my language, I didn't respond to theirs (wow-wee) and all we did was make each other miserable and got angry at each other and blamed each other and when it comes down to it, we couldn't even understand each other how in the hell were we suppose to make a relationship work or even our love for each other grow???... (they should teach this shit in high school!!!!)
6. Are you willing to invest time in learning to speak the 5 love languages?
YES!!! (simple but true)
Questions to ponder
1. Which of your relationships do you consider to be healthy relationships?
I use to think I had a good bond with my children, Bea, and Vie and even with my ex-husband. I always thought the confrontation and disagreements was part and parcel of any relationship. But now, after reading this chapter, I feel that I don't have any healthy relationships.
2. Which of your relationships would you like to see improved?
I really want to be a better mom and have my children respond to me in a more positive and respectful way as I respond to them in return. I really want to have a better connection with my brothers Charles and Freddie and my sister Vivianne. I want to strengthen my relationship with Bea. I would like to see myself interacting constructively and in a copacetic manner at work and i would like to open myself up to friendships and love in all its forms.
3. How would you describe your relationship with your mother? Your father?
My parents were absent at best and abusive at worst.
My mother struggled to communicate love and affection except through materialistic means. She was a difficult person to please and was constantly verbally and/or physically accosting me because I failed to live up to her expectations. There were rare moments of deep abiding love from her, but it was seldom and shrouded by her demands. Now that I am an adult and mother, I can see her struggle more clearly. It doesn't excuse her, but I get it and I profoundly wish she had gotten help. Sadly, she died and we can not work through this, but I have forgiven her.
My biological father (baby daddy) was/is absent.
My step-fathers (3 of them) sexually abused me; I get why I'm a control freak and do not trust people easily. But I am not a victim. It wasn't my fault and through reading Gabrielle Bernstein's book (Add More ~ing to Your Life: A Hip Guide to Happiness) - I am working on the use of the F word daily.
These relationships or lack there of have had negative influence on my life, obviously. But I am a survivor, strong woman and powerful enough to "break the chain": (thank you Bethenny Frankel).
4. In dating relationships, how many times have you experienced Stage One: passionate love?
Is this a trick question??? Oh! I fall in love so easily (no problem there). I am a true consumer of this kind of love and hence when the relationship graduates to Stage 2 I am unable to cope. I am in love with being in love and therefore, more times than I can count; I have experienced Stage One: passionate love.
5. Were you able to make the transition to Stage Two: covenant love: Why or why not?
(big sigh) Obviously not. Because I was unaware that I am inept at making it across the bridge to Stage 2. I'd have hope and high expectations that the other person would "know" how to show me love and make me happy. It occurs to me that not only did these people not respond to my language, I didn't respond to theirs (wow-wee) and all we did was make each other miserable and got angry at each other and blamed each other and when it comes down to it, we couldn't even understand each other how in the hell were we suppose to make a relationship work or even our love for each other grow???... (they should teach this shit in high school!!!!)
6. Are you willing to invest time in learning to speak the 5 love languages?
YES!!! (simple but true)
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